A Few Honest Thoughts About the Fourth Trimester

Jessica DeBano

Olivia is 4 months old, and during that time— I’ve managed to publish ONE blog post.

I don’t feel too bad about it, I’ve had my hands full (I mean, seriously, I’m a new mom and the girl is 18lbs.) A fellow mom blogger wrote a very raw and truthful post about the very real (and sometimes scary) picture of post partum. Her reflection inspired me to share a few honest thoughts I have about “The Fourth Trimester.” Perhaps one day I’ll find the time and the courage to share my entire experience but for now all I can say is….

 

It’s not just the lack of sleep that makes being a new mom hard.

 

It’s questioning everything and wondering if you’re making the right decision.

 

It’s feeling sad sometimes for no reason at all.

 

It’s wearing the same spit up ridden shirt for three days because you’d rather wear it than add to the pile of neglected laundry.

 

It’s learning how to do everything with one hand.

 

It’s wishing you had help, but not knowing how or who to ask.

 

It’s wondering if you’ll ever have sex with your partner again.

 

It’s looking at pictures from those first few weeks and realizing time does pass too quickly.

 

It’s asking yourself, “Why am I having these negative thoughts?”

 

It’s constantly worrying about your milk supply.

 

It’s feeling lonely and isolated.

 

It’s hearing your baby cry when the usual tricks like rocking, bouncing, walking and swaying just aren’t working.

 

It’s remembering that at one time, you actually had friends and used to go places.

 

It’s hating yourself if you don’t enjoy every second of being a mom.

 

It’s wondering when your next hot meal will be, and accepting that luke warm instant oatmeal is your new normal.

 

It’s laughing at yourself because you actually thought this would be somewhat easy or natural.

 

It’s waking up and having no idea when you’ll go back to sleep again.

 

It’s the blowouts. It’s the 4 a.m blowouts.

 

It’s cleaning countless pump parts, and bottles while the baby sleeps because you won’t have time otherwise.

 

It’s eating bland chicken & rice for every meal because anything else makes your baby’s digestion system angry.

 

It’s having engorged boobs, and googling “mastitis” as you hover the sink running hot water over your painfully-full boobs.

 

It’s feeling guilty for wanting, and actually needing the newborn stage to pass.

 

It’s wishing you had gotten your mom better mother’s days gifts because only now do you realize how much she did for you.

 

It’s pretending everything is okay, when it just isn’t.

 

It’s wondering if you’re doing this entire ‘mom’ thing completely wrong.

 

It’s keeping your shame to yourself.

 

It’s having to be stronger than you’ve ever been before.

 

It’s wiping your tears over, and over, and over again.

 

So there you have it. If you couldn’t already guess— post partum was extremely tough for me. I dealt with sadness, happiness, fear, and guilt on a daily (more like, hourly) basis. Nevertheless, I love my daughter and would go through all of that for her again in a heartbeat. The two of us made it through “the fourth trimester”. We made it through together and that’s something I’ll always cherish.

BORN & RAISED IN ALASKA, WHERE I CURRENTLY RESIDE WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND SMALL YORKIE. I AM PARTIAL TO HERBAL TEA, VINYASA YOGA, AND ANYTHING WITH GINGER. BESIDES STEALING MY BOYFRIEND’S CLOTHES, I LIKE TO SHOP AT SECOND HAND STORES. I’M ALL ABOUT FINDING JOY IN THE LITTLE THINGS; LIKE MATTE PINK LIPSTICK, AND LEARNING TO LIVE WELL.


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